David Beckham: The Musical

Sometimes dreams do come true. In this case, a really retarded one called "David Beckham: The Musical." (Actually, it's called "The Theater of Dreams," but close enough.) Set to launch in London's West Side, the production will basically portray David as the Jesus of soccer. I shit you not. The UK Telegraph reports:

"Beckham’s story is a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, Manchester United and what it means to lead your country,’’ explained Mark Archer, the songwriter behind this celebration of Beckham’s first 33 years. “His rise from obscurity to international stardom, his universally acknowledged gifts as a supreme sportsman, and his Hollywood lifestyle all have the elements of an aspirational fable.

“With football and celebrity now firmly established as new secular Western religions, The Theatre of Dreams is set within a cheering football stadium – the modern-day church. The music is powerful, gospel-like rock to establish clearly football and Manchester United as a religion."

David Beckham's life is "a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, Manchester United and what it means to lead your country." Uh, wow, that's pretty epic for a guy who plays soccer and married a Spice Girl. Sure, he had sex with a bunch of women on the side, but have you seen some of them? It'd have been more epic if he banged a toaster.

Thanks to Ellie who prays every night that Victoria Beckham is cast as a soccer ball.

The Superficial