Boy George Really Did Want To Hurt Him

Boy George was convicted this morning in London for handcuffing an escort to his wall and then beating him down with a chain. Sounds like a regular Saturday night for me. Boy George should have just "renegotiated" with the escort before beating his ass. That was his first mistake.

The escort, Audun Carlsen, said he tried to escape after a naked photo shoot, but George whipped him with a chain and then kept him against his will. George's story was that Auden was trying to get intimate pictures of him off of his laptop and in doing so, fucked up his computer. George denied slapping Audun with a chain.

George also accused Auden of being HIV positive and that's where the bruises on his body came from. When Auden said that George had played his skin flute three months before the attack, George responded with, “I’d never have slept with someone who is HIV positive!"

George's lawyers also used the FAT BITCH defense. They claimed George had too much chunk to fight against Audun. His lawyer told the jury, “With the greatest of respect to George O’Dowd, he is not someone you could describe as terribly fit. He has put on a few pounds since the 1980s. He is not going to be a match for Audun Carlsen.”

Has George's lawyers not heard of sumo wrestlers? All George has to do is take a polite seat on Audun and it's game fucking over. Lights out. The end.

The judge told Boy George that he's probably going to go to jail, so he better get his asshole ready. Okay, he didn't say that last part, but it should be mandatory for a judge to say that before sentencing. I mean, his asshole might go through some traumatic shit (even for him), so it's best that he gives a little TLC before the shit hits the hole.

And someone really needs to turn this shit into a TV movie-of-the-week. Comedy gold! Benji Madden was born to play Boy George!

DListed