Hilarious Quotes

MY dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in customs.

– PATRICK MONAHAN

IRISH people love Muslims. They have taken a lot of heat off us. Before, we were “the terrorists” but now we’re “the Riverdance people”.

– ANDREW MAXWELL

TWO guys came knocking at my door once and said: “We want to talk to you about Jesus.” I said: “Oh, no, what’s he done now?”

– KEVIN McALEER

NOBODY thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now!

Alcoholic and a racist!

– FRANKIE BOYLE

I’VE got no problem buying tampons. I’m a modern man. But apparently, they’re not a “proper present”.

– JIMMY CARR