Madonna And Children

Madonna takes a boat ride with her family in Portofino,Italy.

She turned 51 over the weekend, and Madonna enjoyed a romantic birthday in Portofino, Italy with her boytoy Jesus Luz.

The Material Girl was spotted with her Brazilian beau at the Splendido Hotel yesterday (August 16), chatting on the balcony and having a special birthday breakfast while a bouquet of flowers was delivered.

Later on Madge and Jesus joined up with the rest of the entourage to grab some dinner and celebrate some more with birthday cake.

The night before, Madonna played a concert in Warsaw, Poland where she was protested by a Catholic organization for her religious views, as it was also a church holiday celebrating the heavenly assumption of the Virgin Mary.

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Madonna To Meet Jesus' Family

Madonna is to meet her 22-year-old boyfriend's parents.

The 50-year-old singer wants to take her relationship with underwear model Jesus Luz to the next level and is planning to fly to Brazil to get to know his family.

A friend of the pop star told In Touch Weekly magazine: "Madonna is getting serious, so that's why she wants to meet his family. She has been growing closer to Jesus every day. The big age difference doesn't mean a thing to her."

But Jesus - who has been dating the 'Give It 2 Me' singer since late last year - seems far less willing to commit to his "friend" Madonna.

He said in a recent interview on Brazilian TV: "Madonna is a friend who has entered my life. I don't have plans of marrying her. I can't say if she is the girl of my life. She is a marvelous and nice person."

However, Jesus' father Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz recently revealed the couple is considering getting married in a special Kabbalah ceremony.

He also confirmed the couple are living together in New York with Madonna's three children, Lourdes, 12, Rocco, eight and three-year-old David.

Female First

Madonna Takes Jesus For A Walk

Madonna and her family named boyfriend Jesus had a wander around New York yesterday and even managed to steal a quick kissy kiss. Were you the kind of person who got your freak on to that episode of Eastenders when Martin Kemp got slipped the tongue by his old mum? Well hold on to your hats...

On one hand it's a sweet picture of an old twice-divorced mother of three enjoying youthful love one last time in her twighlight years.

However, on the other hand it could also be seen as a creepy predatory older woman boning the life out of a young male model because she's rich and famous and he's dumb and star-struck. This is Hugh Hefner in reverse! Madonna is the female Hugh! Pugh!

Call me "Mr. Grumpy Doomygloomy esq" but if I were that guy's mother, I wouldn't be buying a hat just yet...

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Madonna And Baby Jesus To Wed????

Baby Jesus' father, God, has told Brazil's Who Magazine (via Gatecrasher) that the rumors about his son marrying Madonna are true. I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore, but I feel like I need to pray for the fuckery I read in that last sentence. SANTO DIOS! Hand me a rosary and light a candle! Get my veil too! The lace one!

God said that they will "marry" in a Kabbalah ceremony in New York. Since it's not going to be a real marriage, he's not sure if it's legally binding or not. The magazine also asked God about the rumors that Madonna was making Baby Jesus take ESL lessons, but he says that's all just lies. God chirped, "Jesus already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna! I've spoken by phone with Madonna - in French, because my English is not fluent - and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person. She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person."

If you swallowed your tongue after reading the "feminine" part, you're not alone. I've been trying to pull my tongue out of my throat ever since I read that. Madonna is about as feminine as a T-Rex's dick.

You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this Kabbalah ceremony thing. Methinks Vadge is up to something. This isn't a commitment ceremony, this is a de-nutsack ceremony! And while she's in there, she's going to take his peen's hoody too! Because if you're going to be knocking it with Madonna long-term, you gotta leave your ballies at the door.

DListed

Madonna Plans To Adopt Again.... And Not Jesus Luz

Madonna is at it again. She is going to test the biological limits of mother nature and have a child. Oooh. She's going to adopt another child. Got it. Malawi again. Yeah, hopefully this time, Madonna will find a child who doesn't have a dad who loves talking to the press. It's happening this weekend. Madonna found time off from her busy schedule of, ummm, dating.

I'm trying to figure out why Madonna is adopting another child. From what I see, she doesn't spend much time with her current brood, so it must be just some bet she has going on with Angelina Jolie. Most of us would bet money on the Super Bowl. Madonna and Angelina bet on who can adopt the most children without having the media say anything negative. It is kind of like Jenga, but with humans. Adopt too many and the whole thing falls over faster than Nadya Suleman spotting a dollar on the sidewalk.

Unlike Angelina, it appears that Madonna doesn't have the patience to grease the wheels of adoption in any other countries. She probably figures she knows the players in Malawi, has paid them well, and know they will give her a child when she wants one, so why bother going to a different country.

Do you think it will be a girl this time? Lourdes is all grown now and Madonna doesn't have anyone else to share with who isn't male or named Gwyneth, who come to think of it. Noo. Couldn't be. Gwyneth has done full frontal right?

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Talk About Publicity.....

Brazilian model Jesus Luz, 22, has only been dating the 50-year-old singer for three months, but is adamant he is ready to start a family with her.

Jesus' ex-girlfriend Catharina Franca said: "He adores kids but he accepts they could not have children of their own, and is talking about the possibility of adopting with Madonna."

Madonna already has three children - biological daughter Lourdes, 12, son Rocco, eight, and adopted three-year-old son David from Malawi - and recently admitted she is considering adopting another child from Africa.

Jesus and Madonna met on a steamy shoot for W magazine in Brazil last year and have since become inseparable, with Jesus moving into Madonna's New York apartment and attending Kabbalah - a mystical off-shoot of Judaism - classes with her.

Catharina claims Jesus told her: "Madonna has an amazing body, is a sexy, kind person and a great mother. The difference in our ages means nothing. She looks like a 30-year-old and has a youthful personality to go with it. I love her and nothing else matters."

Catharina - who dated Jesus for 18 months - insists the model is serious about Madonna, and refuted claims he is dating her to try and up his profile.

She told Britain's Sunday Mirror newspaper: "He's not with Madonna for her money or fame. He's with her because he loves her.

"They have a lot in common. They are both very into the way they look. Jesus can be very vain. If Madonna looked like a normal 50-year-old he wouldn't look twice at her."

Meanwhile, days after enjoying an intimate dinner date with supermodel Elle Macpherson, Madonna's estranged husband Guy Ritchie has been seen kissing a mystery woman in a private members' bar at London restaurant Quo Vadis.

A source said: "They were sitting on a couch near the fireplace and looked very intimate and were kissing at one point.

"They were acting very much like a couple. He had his hand on her leg most of the night. She was the prettiest woman in the bar."

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Jose Canseco Is An Asshole... Such A Double Standard

Slugger Jose Conseco slammed 50-year-old Madonna for dating Brazilian model Jesus Luz, who is 20, Usmagazine.com reported.

"Oh my god! Doesn't she realize she is 60-years old? Come on!" he told the publication on Saturday. "When she is 80, what is she going to date -- a guy who is 10 years old? It's getting crazy!"

Conseco said Madge asked him to marry her but that he was "never interested in her and was just fascinated by her as a person," according to his book "Juiced." The baseball star told Us in July 2008 that Madonna tried to seduce him while he was married. "We went downstairs [at her house] and she came over and said, 'What would you do if I kissed you? and then sat on my lap and kissed me," he told the publication.

The 30-year age difference doesn't seem to bother Madonna and she and Luz shared a romantic dinner with in New York Sunday night, the magazine reported. "She loves showing her ex that she can still get the youngest, hottest thing out there," an insider told USmagazine.com.

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