Time Magazine's ho of the year better be Aretha Franklin's damn inauguration hat, because that bitch is everywhere. It made an appearance in cake form at Aretha's 67th birthday party in Detroit on Friday.
Seconds after this picture was taken, the table and everything on it disappeared. Everyone immediately looked at Aretha and the single yellow rose petal resting on her upper lip.
In other news, ostriches are now extinct.
DListed
Some jealous bitches told Page Six that Our Lady of Chichis, Aretha Franklin, was "out of it" at a party at Russell Simmons' house in the Hamptons the other day. Some stupid whore who obviously needs a hug said "five people" had to help Miss Aretha leave the event.
The fugly bitch went on to say, "She was dressed in an off-white, low-cut shirt and pantsuit with jacket and pearls. She was just oblivious to what was going on." Of course it takes five hos! Two for each chichi and one dude stands behind her to break her fall just in case she goes down.
And she was probably "out of it" because she had not eaten her 5th funnel cake of the hour. Aretha loves her funnel cakes! She has a funnel cake maker in her car and every room of her house. She's serious about them.
Aretha is fine and people need to stop telling lies! Her chichis would never let me down. Seriously, I want to play patty cake with her magnificent chichis. Trust me, they can play back.
DListed
After Beyonce introduced Tina Turner as the Queen of Soul during the Grammys, Miss Aretha was not happy about it. I mean everyone knows that Aretha is the Queen Of Soul.... so anyways, Aretha issued this staement to People...
"I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé, however I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy. In addition to that, I thank the Grammys and the voting academy for my 20th Grammy and love to Beyoncé anyway."
I think Beyonce was just being dumb....
Aretha Franklin is the newest celebrity to sign up with Jenny Craig.....
I’m at 1,750 calories a day and I’m starving. You just have to get used to portions and changing your lifestyle. I lost 23 or 24 pounds to begin with, but it’s kind of a strain when you get to 23 or 24 pounds. That’s why I got off of it.
“It’s a strain because you’re eating the Jenny Craig-type meals, which are very good. But you can only eat them for so long before you want some barbecue ribs or some pigs feet. Once you get off that Jenny Craig thing and you start eating what you’ve been eating, it’s all over.”
I'm Not Obsessed
It was reported that several movie studios has approached Aretha Franklin with the idea of bring her life to the big screen. They suggested that Jennifer Hudson should play the starring role.
With Jennifer getting free burgers from Burger King, they feel that several weeks of burger diet, Jennifer should fit perfectly with the Aretha role. Okay, kidding here.
But Aretha was not convinced that Jennifer is the right person to play her. Aretha told Access Hollywood:
"Well, I don't know. I'm not sure. The producers want to know how I feel about it, about her playing me. What I'd like to see is three different people playing me."
"There's a young lady who opened the tribute show in Los Angeles that the United Negro College Fund gave me who was very good and I've heard another little girl who was quite good. Perhaps someone playing me from the age of 25 to about 40 and then someone else beyond that."
She also seriously doubt that they can find anyone who can match her vocal prowess. She explained:
"There may even be a little lip synching here and there. We've gotta go with some of these records I made throughout my career. They were classics and some of it will be verbal but not vocalised in its entirety."
Me think Aretha doesn't like Jennifer Hudson. With all the news about Jennifer Hudson being a diva, I don't I like her after all.
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