Wonky McValtrex Ends Charade With Boy George Lookalike

Rejoice! It's a great day for mankind as Paris Hilton is single again, so for those of you who get your jollies from romancing a boss-eyed, self-obsessed, spoilt skeleton, Christmas has come early. The heiress has split from long-term partner Benji Madden (who must be waking up this morning and savouring the world through fresh eyes) after an incredible nine months, which is long enough to produce a baby or for Paris to produce a joined up sentence in her best handwriting.

An 'insider' explained that it was all Benji's fault, so the insider probably has the name 'Paris' and 'Hilton' lurking around their birth certificate.

"Paris was fed up with Benji always telling her what to do and bossing her around. She couldn't take his overbearing ways anymore. It was stressing her out. He can be very aggressive and he was just too much trouble.

"She felt she couldn't cut loose and party. He doesn't drink and doesn't think she should either. She felt too fenced in."

Imagine going out with Paris Hilton for this length of time and not drinking? Hopefully he's on heroin or something equally strong to have dulled the pain. And if she truly felt like she couldn't 'cut loose and party' then why has she been pictured in just about every nightspot on the planet? Does this mean we'll be seeing even more of that massive head?

Come on, Benji. Make it up with her. Buy her some flowers or something - it's for the good of humanity.

Holy Moly