Put Skanky McValtrex Back In Jail!!!!

Here's Paris! It seems that little Ms. Socialite Paris Hilton is in a bit of legal trouble. No she's not in jail again. Paris is being sued in a Miami court for refusing to make promotional appearances for her 2006 movie Pledge This!. According to the Associate Press, Paris was contractually obligated to make promotional appearance for the film in theatres, as well as promote it when it came out on DVD, and Paris did neither.

Bryan West, the attorney who is representing the investors, stated, "During the six-month period, at no time would she take 10 minutes to do a phone interview." However, Paris' attorney, Michael Weinstein, begs to differ says that she did as many appearances as she could, but was not able to meet a lot of the requests because of her busy schedule. Apparently Paris had a nail appointment she needed to get to. Weinstein is quoted as saying, "Paris Hilton is a promotion machine. For 2 1/2 years, she relentlessly promoted that movie."

Paris has taken time off from filming the newest season of My New BFF in Dubai to travel to Miami and testify on Friday. During the opening statements Paris basically sat there, occasionally taking notes but mostly playing with her hair. Her dress is pretty cute though. Do you agree? You can see it in the gallery.

The lawsuit is seeking $8.3 million in damages, basically what was spent to make and distribute the film by a now extinct Miami company that was the movie's key investor. The investors feel that even if Paris did not like the film, which her lawyers says is true, they would have been able to do well in DVD sales if Paris had promoted the film.

Umm, I'm sorry but the movie is about sorority girls at a fake school that no one cares about. It's like a really bad version of The House Bunny. That movie would not have done well anywhere, even with DVD sales.

Source

Jail Wonky McValtrex Please!!!!!

Leave it to Paris Hilton to cause an international incident because she thinks everyone needs to see how "hot" she is in a bikini. Frankly, I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner. The Mirror reports:

TV producers had banned the airhead heiress from wearing a bikini while she is in Dubai shooting the third series of My New BFF.
But within hours she was posing for photos in a skimpy twopiece.
Brilliant. Our source says: "Paris had made a big public speech, saying how much she loved the Middle East and respected its culture. But the following day she was prancing around on the beach in her bikini and posing provocatively. Bosses warned her Western tourists have been jailed for flouting the rules."

I'm pretty sure this is grounds for the CIA to dump Paris' body in a landfill before she becomes the direct cause of 9/11 Part 2: Keep the Wonk-eye at Home, Infidels! Should it already be too late, let me be the first to say, we totally had it coming. I'm serious, who the fuck signs a passport for Paris Hilton to travel to the Middle East and expects it to end well? We'd be better off sending the customary blankets with smallpox. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's all I'm sayin'.

Source

Skanky McValtrex Is Saving The World's Econmy

Shopaholic Parisite Hilton boasts that her millions could cure the global recession.

The socialite says spending her estimated £5million to £14million annual salary on items such as a diamond-covered D&G dress and a pink Bentley (to go with her blue one) will do us the world of good.

'I am helping the economy by doing a lot of shopping,' Hilton said while posing at Lord's Cricket Ground with her luxury wares. The good news is that Hilton, 28, is funnelling a lot of her cash specifically into the British economy.

'I love everything about England – I love the people, the accent, the shopping, the hotels and the architecture,' she admitted.

Bragging about her new Bentley, Hilton revealed: 'It has Swarovski crystals everywhere. It's the Paris pink from my brand.'

In the boot is a 'Dolce & Gabbana dress covered in diamonds'.

She told Tatler magazine: 'I love couture dresses because no one else has them.'

And when she's not shopping, the hotel heiress reckons she can sort out world peace.

If she were US president, she would 'definitely try to make peace with the countries we are fighting'.

She continued: 'I'd go over to them and throw a party, so they could all get together and get along and stop the war.'

Read the rest of Hilton's mix of shopping boasts and political manifesto in the latest issue of Tatler, out this Thursday.

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Robert Pattinson Might Need Valtrex Prescription

Paris Hilton snared Robert Pattinson at a party.

The blonde hotel heiress stunned guests at a lavish Oscars bash by dragging the 'Twilight' star outside for some time alone after asking her younger sister Nicky to help track him down.

Friends of the 28-year-old socialite - including her ex-boyfriend Benji Madden and sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen - were left stunned by her aggressive flirting with the handsome British actor.

After scanning Patrick Whitesell's Hollywood party for her crush, Paris and Robert were spotted "giggling and in deep conversation" for an hour before she reportedly led him into the garden away from the gaze of onlookers.

Paris recently admitted she fell for the 22-year-old hunk after she watched his latest movie, in which he plays a vampire.

She said: "I saw 'Twilight' and I have to say that I think Robert is a beautiful man and an amazing actor. He's fabulous!"

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Skanky McValtrex Wins 3 Awards

Worst Picture: The Love Guru

Worst Actor: Mike Myers - The Love Guru
Worst Actress: Paris Hilton - THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
Worst Supporting Actress: Paris Hilton - REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Worst Supporting Actor: Pierce Brosnan - MAMMA MIA!
Worst Screen Couple: Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore - THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE

Worst Prequel,Remake, Rip-off or Sequel(Combined Category for 2008): Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

Worst Director: Uwe Boll 1968: Tunnel Rats, In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and Postal
Worst Screenplay: The Love Guru Written by Mike Myers & Graham Gordy
Worst Career Achievement: Uwe Boll (Germany’s Answer to Ed Wood)

Source

Jessica Simpson And Jessica Alba Has A New Competitor In Being A Dumb Skank

Aw. The dumb fucking moron thinks she's smart. If I wasn't busy throwing up with my eyes at her nasty ass skankness, I'd actually feel sorry for her. You just want to pat her on the head (with 10 latex gloves on, of course) and tell her to quit hurting her half brain cell. Not everyone was meant to know the answer to 2+3 (I spend my off-time trying to figure that one out).

Over in London, Wonky McValtrex once again tried to convince everyone she's not dumb. She just plays dumb on TV! Nope, she's a dumb dumb. Stupid. Idiotic. Witless. Shit-brained. Moronic.

Wonky started to say, "For five seasons I was stuck doing this character. It was kind of hard always having to play that character when it's not who I am." Let me cut you off there. Before you say anything, I just want you to know....you're dumb. Dumb. She went on to say, "I just say jokes but they think I'm serious, which I think is funny...." Stop. You're hurting yourself. You're dumb. True fact. Dumb. The world knows it. You are D-U-M-- Wait. I shouldn't spell it out. That's too much for her. And she went on, "....and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because – whatever – it's just entertainment."

Why does she even try? Even Corky from Life Goes On and Harvey Price are screaming in unison, "You're a dumb fucking whore bitch with stupid in the brains!" She probably thinks that her head shakes uncontrollably after she says more than two syllables because its brain powers are so intense. No, it's because its fucking flatlining.

I mean, here's an example of Wonky Einstein's genius. When she was asked who the Prime Minister of England was, she answered, "I had lunch at his restaurant yesterday – Gordon Ramsay." You know she wasn't joke-telling. But she's absolutely right. Prime Minister Gordon Ramsay has weekly phone chats with our American president: President Chuck E. Cheese.

DListed

Guess Who Got Tossed Out Of A Party???

Hey, it was worth a try.

Paris Hilton hid in the bathroom at Creative Artist Agency’s big post-Golden Globes bash Sunday night after CAA’s Kevin Huvane caught her slipping in uninvited — and loudly demanded she be removed from the Sunset Towers party.

“Kevin was outraged at her sense of entitlement, and he was adamant that she be removed,” an eyewitness confides to us. “He was storming around, yelling ‘Who let her in? She is not invited, and somebody had better get her out of here immediately!’”

LAPD security and event planners had to wait for the heir-head to exit the powder room so they could toss her, and finally — a good 15 minutes later — she emerged looking red-faced and embarrassed.

Perhaps Paris should remember that to be in the same class as actual invitees like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Sting and Ralph Fiennes, you actually have to be famous for doing something other than shopping.

NYDN

A Skank Trying To Stay Relevant

Every night before Wonky McValtrex goes to bed, a dozen dicks slap her to sleep. It's the only way she can get a good night's rest. Well, one of the dicks slapped her in the head a little too hard, because the dirty cooch is talking crazy.

In the new issue of Britain's Glamour Magazine (via SS), Wonky says, "I've only done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss. I think it's important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive. If you give it up to a guy he won't respect you; he'll want you much more if he can't have you."

Nobody wants the bag that will make your genitals foam at the hole and that's exactly what Wonky's bag will do. And what she really meant to say before the rude interviewer cut her off is, "A couple of people........in my snatch at one time." She's really modest, though. Wonky could fit at least a couple of NFL teams up in there without lube. EASY.

There's no way she could have meant "a couple of people." Whores who have to duct tape their vagina together haven't only fucked just "a couple of people."

DListed

Wonky McValtrex Ends Charade With Boy George Lookalike

Rejoice! It's a great day for mankind as Paris Hilton is single again, so for those of you who get your jollies from romancing a boss-eyed, self-obsessed, spoilt skeleton, Christmas has come early. The heiress has split from long-term partner Benji Madden (who must be waking up this morning and savouring the world through fresh eyes) after an incredible nine months, which is long enough to produce a baby or for Paris to produce a joined up sentence in her best handwriting.

An 'insider' explained that it was all Benji's fault, so the insider probably has the name 'Paris' and 'Hilton' lurking around their birth certificate.

"Paris was fed up with Benji always telling her what to do and bossing her around. She couldn't take his overbearing ways anymore. It was stressing her out. He can be very aggressive and he was just too much trouble.

"She felt she couldn't cut loose and party. He doesn't drink and doesn't think she should either. She felt too fenced in."

Imagine going out with Paris Hilton for this length of time and not drinking? Hopefully he's on heroin or something equally strong to have dulled the pain. And if she truly felt like she couldn't 'cut loose and party' then why has she been pictured in just about every nightspot on the planet? Does this mean we'll be seeing even more of that massive head?

Come on, Benji. Make it up with her. Buy her some flowers or something - it's for the good of humanity.

Holy Moly

Pink Still Thinks Paris Hilton Is A "Stupid Girl"

In a recent interview with Pink, she commented on Paris Hilton again:

"Paris Hilton is still bugging me about Stupid Girls. She came up to me in a nightclub a couple of months back and she said, 'I hope you realize that the person I seem to be in the press is really just an act and the real me is really smart'. I said, 'Just get over it. The song was like years ago. Quit bugging me.' I still take a pop at Jessica Simpson in my new video. That girl hates me. But it's just that her name happens to be a good rhyme fit for lots of lyrics..."


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Wonky McValtrex To Move To London???

Wonky McValtrex supposed mentioned to friends: "I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here. I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it's early days."

Damn!!!!! America rejoice!!!!! I mean seriously, they can keep her there forever.... btw, she said she met a cute English guy??? Isn't she like dating that guy who looks like Boy George???? Skank!!!!

Source

Douchebag Is Protecting His Cash Cow

Kevin Federline has warned Paris Hilton to stay away from Britney Spears.

The dancer and rapper - who has two children with ex-wife Britney - told the hotel heiress to leave the 'Gimme More' singer alone because she does not need any bad influences in her life.

Kevin reportedly told the socialite at the Las Vegas launch of restaurant and club Lavo he does not want Britney - who recently scooped three gongs at the MTV Video Music Awards - to return to her troubled lifestyle for the sake of his children Sean Preston, three, and Jayden James, two.

A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "It was quite a chilling warning. She was quite friendly and asked how Britney and the kids are but she won't be asking again."

Female First

Throw In Horsey Montag And The Music Will Be Heaven Sent

Paris Hilton fancies recording a duet with Britney Spears for her new album.

"My new album's out soon and it would be hot if I could do a duet with Britney. It is really poppy and sounds a bit like Kylie Minogue," the hotel heiress said.

Paris also reunited with her onetime BFF at the MTV VMAs Sunday.

"She looked beautiful," Hilton said. "I'm so happy for her. She definitely deserves it."

What did Hilton tell Spears? "'I love you, I miss you, so good to see you,'" she said.

Word of advise for Brit Brit..... run RUN as far away from this skank... don't forget what happened the last time Brit Brit!!!! This skank is trouble.

Showbizspy

Super Skankiroo??? Mighty Vajayjay???

If this is actually true, Wonky McValtrex aka Paris Hilton is supposedly creating a new superhero based on herself....LOL!!!!!

She is apparently working with Stan Lee, a co-creator of the Spiderman comic books, with the hope of inventing a superhero for a new MTV cartoon.

Wonky also wants to have the power to be invisible.... believe us Wonky McValtrex, we really want you to be invisible too, for good.

So like here are some possible hero name for Wonky:

Super Skankiroo
Mighty VaJJ
Almighty Ho
The Great WonkyHo
Lady Valtrexina


Source

Wonky McValtrex For President!!!!!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Wonky McValtrex was not taking any shit from McCain shitting down. She needs to make a statement thus she met with the people from funny or die.

Sadly, it wasn't funny....if it was Brit Brit then perhaps....

Millionaire Thought He Bought A Decent Politician

Such wonderful fallout from that dumbass attack ad that likened Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, making laughingstock out of the McCain campaign while also infuriating Hilton’s family, major Republican donors.

As we told you yesterday, Paris’ father, Rick, is a big McCain donor and not pleased that his daughter was made a mockery of by the Arizona senator. But today comes news that the rage doesn’t end with Daddy Hilton, because William Barron Hilton, Paris’ grandfather, is a freakin’ GOP whale, having given $18,000 directly to McCain and $35,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee over the past couple years.

Apparently pissed to discover that money won’t ever prevent his family from being a goddamn joke, WB was reportedly on the phone all day yesterday screaming at the McCain people. We imagine his whining went something like, “I mean, shit, can’t a millionaire buy a decent political favor anymore?”

Mollygood

When Bad Girls Gone Good

Despite a new proposal, Los Angeles’ top cop says there’s no need to focus on cracking down on paparazzi these days.

“If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue,” Police Chief William Bratton told KNBC-TV today.

Faded Youth

Speaking Of Sluts, Here's Another Wonky One

Not known for being discrete chaste, Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo reportedly rejected Paris Hilton’s overtures at trendy L.A. hotspot Villa late last night.

“Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table,” a source tells the Daily Mail. “At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him.”

On a business trip to L.A., Ronaldo drew a lot of attention as he arrived at the club, limping on crutches, after 11:30 pm with four or five male friends.

“Every girl in the club was checking him out but Paris couldn’t take her eyes off him. You could tell he enjoyed the attention but he didn’t really want anything to do with any of the girls,” the source explained.

So, what got Paris so motivated to make a move? Recent report suggest that the 23-year-old Portugese star dumped his girlfriend, Spanish model Nereida Gallardo after a five month romance.

Now word on the current status of Benji Madden’s broken heart.

Faded Youth

"Pure" Slut? "Pure" Whore?? "Pure" McValtrex??? "Pure" Fake????

We know that there must be something wrong with Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden if he's prepared to put his dick anywhere near Paris Hilton (and if he's going to put his name to the dire music that his band produces), but we didn't know the levels of self-deception going on. He reckons she's "pure". Yeah, about as pure as a bucket of effluent...

The plastic heiress and her Addams Family-esq boyfriend are considering getting tattoos of each other, but Benji has put his foot down claiming that he can have one but she can't because he wants her to remain "pure". I think she probably lost the ability to do when half the world saw her getting knobbed by an idiot (in one of the least erotic pieces of film ever made).

Paris explains, "He is going to get one of me but he won't let me get one. He doesn't like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure."

Pure filth? Pure dirt? I reckon he definitely said another word after pure, either behind his hand or smothered by a cough and she didn't hear it. Maybe she's got a wonky ear too.

HolyMoly

Wonky McValtrex Resurfaced

Just when you thought the Skank has left the world for good, she appears.... Ugh!!!!!

Paris Hilton hosted a masquerade ball at the Kress in Hollywood last night to celebrate her upcoming reality show, My New BFF.

But it seems that the heiress has already found a new BFF — her boyfriend and resident hip attachment Benji Madden, who escorted the entire night.

A masked and newly blonde Nicky Hilton joined her big sister.

During the party, Paris told reporters about her new reality show and repeatedly mentioned that she is not only the star but also the producer.

It would almost appear as if Paris may have actually turned over a new leaf after her summer in the slammer.

C’mon, girl — you’ve still got half a year to up your game!!

Faded Youth